[Life] A levels and no life.

So this whole year...like, 2013 Sept. to now, has been full of studying for my A level exams because guess what; A levels ACTUALLY is a huge huge jump from O levels.

I did the CIE board, which is different from the Edexcel one that I completed my O levels in, and boy, was that hard.

Let me tell you a story about studies.

So, studying in Sharjah since forever, I was enrolled in an academically competitive school, and- although I'm not boasting- I was always at the upper middle rank to say. Not extremely smart to get As in all classes, but had a fair share of As to Bs...maybe Cs in between. I stopped studying long ago, but still scored comparatively well by just reading and such.
In O levels, I went for maths tutions because I was horrible at maths, but that was the only tough thing I did. I never completed past papers too. Yet I got an average of A in my 10 Edexcel O levels.

It was only natural when I went to another school in Dubai, that I disregarded the head of senior school teachers' words "it is a big leap, your As will fall to Cs. And it'd Edexcel to CIE, you'll have it tough" because I thought it was those things the they tell you to scare the shit out of  you. I decided to change myself from the boring girl to an active, cheery girl that time, and found many wonderful friends. And the studying went out of the window. We had two mocks in a school year, and all of our friends of 7 or so , save two, used to get Es and Us which for us was a laughing matter.

Except when the actual AS exams came rolling, it stopped being a joke.
Especially during my Chemistry paper 2, which is of structured kind, my mind went blank and kept thinking of the Us I got in mocks.

In my AS year, I got ccdd in English, Maths, Physics and Chemistry respectively.

When I had my results staring at me from the mobile phone, I was in shock. I was sure I would not do worse than one C, based on the years when I felt my exams were horrible but came back with As. I was disappointed beyond anything, and my friends did worse than me. They got Us and Es like in the mocks, and that was when I realized I had no rights to bemoan my own shortcomings.

And I retook all the four AS subjects along with A2 Maths, English and Physics, dropping my eternal enemy Chemistry.

During my A2, I can't remember a single moment when I didn't have exams and results on my mind. All the friends had gone, joining universities (in U.A.E getting admission in unis are a petty matter; they take you with whatever you get), while it was only my friend and I from our group who stayed to complete high school, so I had only one friend who was as desperate to pull up a grade and supported me.

Despite all the studying, during mock exams I was constantly brought back to reality that I am not as smart as I made out myself to be, pathetic I know. I still couldn't get better at my AS ones, let alone surpass Cs and Ds in them.

The first day of exams, I had three subjects, English, Physics and Maths. That was how packed my timetable was.

Cutting more depression with studying and shunning animes and friends for a year, I got ACC, in English, Physics and Maths, and a b in Chemistry. I don't know if I slacked off and couldn't improve much, but I am fine with the results. Not as good maybe, but still better than what I would have gotten had I not studied like a madman and continued with the way I was.

But again, by doing so I sacrificed the last year I could have been with my friends before coming back to Japan. I can't tell if my grades were good enough to compromise with the time I could have spent with them. I don't know, but I worked hard and studied so I don't have any regrets either.

A true story of an average girl who almost flunked her exams, yours truly.

[Random] Rant of a Kikokushijou; returnee, of Japan

*bows* let me apologize once again for the very inconsistent updates, but, as usual, I will be putting all the blame on the studies and the tedious schedules of the school life.

Firstly, let me describe a typical school day in Dubai. Since I live in Sharjah, I wake up at 5 am to catch the bus at 6.10am so that I can reach the school by 7.10am. IT TAKES AN HOUR, YESSIR. Anyways, the school bell rings at 7.30 and home room begins.

At 10am there is a 20 min long break, and then studies re-commence. At 1pm there is a 10 min long break again, and finalllllllly at 2pm the school ends. I reach home by 3.15, being the last one to get dropped off.
So you can tell me, does this leave me any time to do anything? I'm as tired as a cat without enough sleep, and can more or less just dramatically fall on the floor and snooze. Hence, at the end of the day it's either studying or watching animes, and you can obviously tell, it's the latter I choose.

My AS level results? Two D's and Two C's, Ds' in chem and phy; Cs' in ENGRISH and maths.
It's extremely shocking, yes; but unexpected? Kind of no. I was always considered the 'smart' kind, never studying yet in the top some. Brought down to earth with this heavy result.

Coming to the heading, what is annoying me beyond belief at the moment is not my disappointing marks sheet; it's the Japanese University requirements. Can you guess the top most? Good grades, yes, but not the answer. High English req? Not exactly either.

It's being not Japanese- wholly nor partially.

Having lived in U.A.E my entire life, and my father being Bengali, my sister and I- although eligible for a Bengali passport- opted to a Japanese one since you have to choose between them when you hit 21 and never once thought about making the former. I speak fluent Japanese thanks to anime and J-Pop, and since mom helped me, can read and write...err, middle school level Japanese. So naturally, I need to go for the English-based courses, famously known as G30 (Global 30 bc they wanted 30 unis to participate but only 13 are currently innit. wut xD)
The first req is that I hold nationality, and then grades (of MIN B) and eng req follow.

There was only one out of the 13...mind you, ONLY ONE uni (Nagoya) that adressed returnees and gratefully mentioned that they fall into the International category if they have studied 12 years abroad. The rest, when I clicked the link that said 'returnees', took me to a Japanese website that my mother translated as stating the exam date. In Japanese. Exam in Japanese. I emailed almost all of them citing that I would be finishing 12 years abroad blah blah...Some unis were kind enough to link me back to the site without letting me know what I actually need to know.

Sigh, I actually expected Japanese unis to be a bit more flexible in communicating.

I was extremely surprised that Tokyo University, or the anime famous Todai, didn't have a proper section for Kikokushijou in the English site...it was in Japanese, yep. Only Nagoya and Waseda Dai had the proper categorization, and I was relieved that people are indeed aware that there are returnees who know zero Japanese.

Love Hina- protagonist studying to get in Todai

Tough luck I have, since the English courses are offered by these and similar unis- the 'elite 13' unis of Japan. Waseda Uni was also nice enough to properly explain things like since I'm eligible for a Bengali passport it would be better if I applied for it before trying to get admitted.

So now, even though financially our family is in a pinch, I have to force father to take me to Bangladesh for a passport so that I can apply as an international student who won't be expected to write the exam in Japanese.

Just imagine how it is for a person who is 100% Japanese and abroad, without the knowledge of Japanese language. I can almost see their teary eyes. If you can, fellow returnees, choose UK or other famous countries (educationally) if you can afford to.

Japan why you like this?!

[Random] New school, tons of studies and a dash of drama (EDIT: LONG TIME AGO POST)

SO! It's already been two-three months since I've last blogged. Hmm, I wonder what important things I must have done...?

I don't know ._.
But oh well, let me tell you of the events which have been memorable for me these past few months!

So after switching schools, I've started lagging, mostly because IT'S SO COMFORTABLE!
The school I've studied for the last eight years didn't feel as 'home-y' as this one; in this school everyone accepted me as who I am....infact, SO many kids (yes kids-that's the sad part) come to talk to me!

And everyone in our class is SO nice. It's sad how it's gonna be an affair of a year. or two more months, since in May we all separate our ways.

Anyways, in January, I went to dad's country- Bangladesh, and spent a fortnight there. And that in the midst of exams. Why would I do that, you ask? We-el, my grandmother was terribly sick (still is, so please do pray for her) so we went to visit her after...wait for it, AFTER EIGHT YEARS! yeah. and she's like what, 90+? so just imagine her euphoria at seeing her granddaughters!

and then we met gazillions of relatives. And went to cox's bazaar. Did you know it's the most popular tourist attraction in BD? Despite it being really dirty, literally, with all the trash around, it was really nice- specially the beach and the hotel there called Seagull~

Let's not bore you, and skip skip back to Dubai.
After coming back, my friends and I arranged for another flashmob, like the one in 2011 which was really famous (with us being in Gulf News,Khaleej Times, some Korean channel called KTV as well as KBS) and successful with around 100 people [man, it's a LOT considering it's a country with no flashmobs xD]

BUT. This one failed. I have NO idea why-they're so mean- but only around 4-5 turned up. -_-

Though, this time it was tad more fun because of the pressure being less, because in previous flashmobs  all I can remember doing is screaming endlessly. And having to shoulder the fact that we were organising it so it should be more than just successful (it did succeed, apparently was in I AM movie...a very small clip but it was undeniably there) and of course, our friends from the new school were there too!
So we decided to call the flashmob off and had fun.
A bit boring, but that's how my life is anyways.

[Random] a long, long hiatus

So I'm back after...well, almost half a year.

AND I HAVE LEGIT REASONS FOR THIS 'KAY?! And the reason is-

AS Levels; the ultimate freedom snatcher.

I normally don't study much, maybe half a day when exams are ongoing (yes I'm extremely lazy) and then forget everything I study the very next day after exams. Having said that, my grades aren't thaaaat bad, hopefully.

Or so I thought.

Ever since AS levels begun I haven been constantly reminded of how I have to study if I need to score better than Es, as compared to Bs without studying during the O'levels (mocks I'm talking about). However, being the typical lazy-good-for-nothing girl, I haven't studied even say 3 hours a day, an insult to both my parents coming from countries where academically people are extremely conscientious and hard working. But YOLO, right? (I happen to hate HATE this word but this seems appropriate for the situation I'm presenting) so I chose to enjoy my school life in my new school.

The result? my exams were HORRIBLE with double caps lock font size 24. Now all I do is pray to God to let me get more than I deserve, an act I had done last year as well, and promise I'll do better in A2. Methinks I know as much as Him that I won't, but I'm going to hope for the best obviously.

And yes, my anime marathons were assassinated by said studies. No, I didn't study, but for some reason I was scared that if I started with animes the little motivation I have for studies would dissolve. So i remained anime starved these past few (more like ages) months on mangas.

Anywho, it's done with and all, and I do feel bad abandoning this blog for so long, but hope you can understand. Sorry, okay?  *hugs*

Now, let's go to animes? yay~

[Random] Teenage issues....

Now, before I hit 20s and forget all these teenager issues and shit we deal with everyday in life, lemme rant here x.x

So, what's with parents and screaming even though the whole matter is over with?

Like, I make a mistake, I get it I'm wrong, I apologize and would try to not do it again.
But, according to moms we never change.We would still repeat them, and so to make us not forget, they keep scolding until you walk away.

Take, for example, the month or two you when you feel rebellious for no reason.

During those times you just feel like saying 'no' to everything, and you feel as if you own your own life and your parents have nothing to do with it.
And you start 'talking back' to parents and doing things exactly the way your parents told you not to.

I had a half year of it, the rebellious-ness.
But I believe I'm over it and normal again.

Not for mom,cause it's enough for mom to go on how much '(I)'ve changed.'

Today was another one of those days.
My sister's friend comes over to complete some project, and we have quite fun time because I'm more or less close to her as well.

And at night, at around 8.30pm, she tells my sister we need to drop her off at her place. Her house is far, not far like in another city, but far enough you'd take atleast half an hour to reach.

So sis tells mom we would take a taxi to and fro since it's dark and the area is really, really scary. And horrible.

But when her and the friend come to me, they first say they want to take a taxi, and I say 'I want Baskin Robbins!' because I'm an idiot wanting ice cream at night.
And suddenly it was decided we'd walk to her house so as to not waste the taxi money.

Now, believe me when I say I don't know who suggested the walking part. It could have been me, knowing the kind of impulses I have and love for walking, but it could also be either of the younger girls.

One big mistake was, I didn't know - didn't make sure- that my sis didn't notice mom about this.

And make it two; we forgot our cells and the friend's one died.

So we walk and have a fairly good time, and have BR.
And by the time we realize, it's 10pm.

So my sis and I take a taxi back home after dropping her off, and when we return home, you can guess.

My mom is so angry even hell would have been scared.

When she demands an explanation, my sister simply tells her I was the one who said we should walk because I wanted BR.

She then starts screaming how I am so irresponsible as the elder sister, and all the usual 'you disappoint me' thing. I don't say anything but sorry since,well, I knew nothing was going to work, but after some time I couldn't hold it in and tell her I didn't know. And then my sis gets another round of scolding.

This goes hence and forth, and she starts saying how the friend's parents are also irresponsible that they not come to pick her up- as the custom here- and tell her to come back with us and they go to bed (that's what her mom told her apparently, that she would hit the sacks.)

So I start arguing how she is wrong about her parents and that it's my fault and I'm sorry. But she wouldn't accept it, and tells me:

'you're always like this.'

The thing is, my father is never here, both physically and emotionally because as every family has, even we have our little drama, and mom handles everything, even money. And she means the world to me and my sister.

But I always end up saying hurtful things to her and she repeats the same thing over and over again, that I've changed and become something who's not me and such.

What I get is, we are all in the wrong, and mom is 95% right, and my sister is wrong at saying that- but I owe her too much- and I am wrong because I am  unbelievably irresponsible. I could  have said no to walking, I could  have informed mom, I should have taken the cell no matter what. I could have just shut my mouth. But I did none.

And hurt my mom.

Now, although I feel guilty and right this moment want to go back and apologize, we've been through this so many times I can imagine the scene in my head already- she saying I'm always like this, always disobeying her.

Which is true. But, blame everything on teenage issues, I can't do anything.

And just stay, confused, guilty and the way I am.

what must one do when they hurt the most important person?

[Random] Coloured contacts!

So, as a half Japanese girl, I have really small eyes.

Which is God-given.

BUT! in my 18 years of living today, for the first time, I've tried contact lenses!~ *jumps around in joy*

and the happiest thing was my eyes looked big-ish!~

Do you know how exciting and happy it is who is always commented on her too-small eyes?!


This is normal me with almost non-existent eyes

Aaaaaand with the circle lenses:

tadaaa!

My eyes look big and nice^^

I got them from my friend, and the colour is called brown (how unique

 -_-) but it's diamond shaped if you can see properly ^^

and my friend had a grey pair.
And God bless her beauty (*Q*)

Since it was the first time putting in lenses, ofcourse we'd camwhore, no?

So there!

Maybe I should have stolen her contacts? (>w<)

'cause selcas are in vogue^^

And my personal shots: 

why do i see myself pouting?

Don't be deceived though, I've got zillions of pimples, it's just the wonderful filter on androids app that works magic and makes everyone look beautifuru!

And I shall end my vain post with the last selca, and best one of mine so far:

i look like an ullzang wannabe...

not that i hate it ^^

Bye bye! *waves*

[Random/Anime] Oh God Why?

OH MY GAAAWD, the new season animes have started already and I still didn't finish the 6th eps of the summer ones. Fish you high school and studies, not letting me watch my love and life (T^T)

I've got so much watching to do methinks I'll go without sleeping next weekend *sobs*

when you're assaulted by feels...

To finish:

1. Arcana Famiglia
2. Natsuyuki Rendevouz
3. Sket Dance
4. Hakuouki Reimei roku
5. Koi to Senkyo to Chocolate
6. Kokoro Connect
7.  Sankarea
8. Kyou no Asuka Show
9. Hiiro No Kakera

To watch:

1. Zetsuen no Tempest
2. Code Breaker
3. Btoom!
4. Girls And Panzer
5. Hiiro No Kakera Dai Ni Shou
6. Kamisama Hajimemashita
7. Kono Naka ni Hitori, Imouto ga Iru!
8. Magi
9. Sakurasou No Petto na Kanojo
10. Shinsekai Yori
11. Sukitte Ii na Yo
12. Tonari no Kaibutsu Kun
13. K

Now, as you can see, the list is looong. And hence I can kiss my sleep and life goodbye.
HOW CAN I NARROW DOWN!? All of them look so promising I can't even-

(T^T)

Let me again curse studies for separating me and my love.

[Random] Become.... skinny?

Alrighty, I've decided I need to lose weight...a LOT.

Currently, at 68kgs with a height of 157cm, my future doesn't seem much bright

well....'cause I'm overweight? ><

Not a very nice body to look at,eh? 

See that stomach? That's mine. And compare my arms to my friend behind me.

I had to scratch out her face (T^T) but privacy above all I believe.

Back to topic, I need to lose weight, atleast 20 kgs?

68-20= 48kgs.
Oh, that sounds amazing (^w^)

Now, from researching so many days and months and what not, I came to know quite a few things:

1. Water. Water. AND WATER.

Every frikkin' website I visit tells me the same thing; drink tons of water.
I must go look for a water fairy now...

2. Stop eating at 7pm, or 8pm.

Hmm....I wonder I can stick to THAT now (>.<)

I WANT THAT BODEH!

Found inspirations from Hyun-ah of 4minute.

You know why?

Because, my dears, she used to be over weight as well, but, with her hardwork, she attained the body that many are envious of

*cheers Hyun-ah*

One day, I'll get that body. ONE DAY.

And when I do, I'll thank Hyun-ah from my heart <3