[Random] Rant of a Kikokushijou; returnee, of Japan

*bows* let me apologize once again for the very inconsistent updates, but, as usual, I will be putting all the blame on the studies and the tedious schedules of the school life.

Firstly, let me describe a typical school day in Dubai. Since I live in Sharjah, I wake up at 5 am to catch the bus at 6.10am so that I can reach the school by 7.10am. IT TAKES AN HOUR, YESSIR. Anyways, the school bell rings at 7.30 and home room begins.

At 10am there is a 20 min long break, and then studies re-commence. At 1pm there is a 10 min long break again, and finalllllllly at 2pm the school ends. I reach home by 3.15, being the last one to get dropped off.
So you can tell me, does this leave me any time to do anything? I'm as tired as a cat without enough sleep, and can more or less just dramatically fall on the floor and snooze. Hence, at the end of the day it's either studying or watching animes, and you can obviously tell, it's the latter I choose.

My AS level results? Two D's and Two C's, Ds' in chem and phy; Cs' in ENGRISH and maths.
It's extremely shocking, yes; but unexpected? Kind of no. I was always considered the 'smart' kind, never studying yet in the top some. Brought down to earth with this heavy result.

Coming to the heading, what is annoying me beyond belief at the moment is not my disappointing marks sheet; it's the Japanese University requirements. Can you guess the top most? Good grades, yes, but not the answer. High English req? Not exactly either.

It's being not Japanese- wholly nor partially.

Having lived in U.A.E my entire life, and my father being Bengali, my sister and I- although eligible for a Bengali passport- opted to a Japanese one since you have to choose between them when you hit 21 and never once thought about making the former. I speak fluent Japanese thanks to anime and J-Pop, and since mom helped me, can read and write...err, middle school level Japanese. So naturally, I need to go for the English-based courses, famously known as G30 (Global 30 bc they wanted 30 unis to participate but only 13 are currently innit. wut xD)
The first req is that I hold nationality, and then grades (of MIN B) and eng req follow.

There was only one out of the 13...mind you, ONLY ONE uni (Nagoya) that adressed returnees and gratefully mentioned that they fall into the International category if they have studied 12 years abroad. The rest, when I clicked the link that said 'returnees', took me to a Japanese website that my mother translated as stating the exam date. In Japanese. Exam in Japanese. I emailed almost all of them citing that I would be finishing 12 years abroad blah blah...Some unis were kind enough to link me back to the site without letting me know what I actually need to know.

Sigh, I actually expected Japanese unis to be a bit more flexible in communicating.

I was extremely surprised that Tokyo University, or the anime famous Todai, didn't have a proper section for Kikokushijou in the English site...it was in Japanese, yep. Only Nagoya and Waseda Dai had the proper categorization, and I was relieved that people are indeed aware that there are returnees who know zero Japanese.

Love Hina- protagonist studying to get in Todai

Tough luck I have, since the English courses are offered by these and similar unis- the 'elite 13' unis of Japan. Waseda Uni was also nice enough to properly explain things like since I'm eligible for a Bengali passport it would be better if I applied for it before trying to get admitted.

So now, even though financially our family is in a pinch, I have to force father to take me to Bangladesh for a passport so that I can apply as an international student who won't be expected to write the exam in Japanese.

Just imagine how it is for a person who is 100% Japanese and abroad, without the knowledge of Japanese language. I can almost see their teary eyes. If you can, fellow returnees, choose UK or other famous countries (educationally) if you can afford to.

Japan why you like this?!

[Random] Teenage issues....

Now, before I hit 20s and forget all these teenager issues and shit we deal with everyday in life, lemme rant here x.x

So, what's with parents and screaming even though the whole matter is over with?

Like, I make a mistake, I get it I'm wrong, I apologize and would try to not do it again.
But, according to moms we never change.We would still repeat them, and so to make us not forget, they keep scolding until you walk away.

Take, for example, the month or two you when you feel rebellious for no reason.

During those times you just feel like saying 'no' to everything, and you feel as if you own your own life and your parents have nothing to do with it.
And you start 'talking back' to parents and doing things exactly the way your parents told you not to.

I had a half year of it, the rebellious-ness.
But I believe I'm over it and normal again.

Not for mom,cause it's enough for mom to go on how much '(I)'ve changed.'

Today was another one of those days.
My sister's friend comes over to complete some project, and we have quite fun time because I'm more or less close to her as well.

And at night, at around 8.30pm, she tells my sister we need to drop her off at her place. Her house is far, not far like in another city, but far enough you'd take atleast half an hour to reach.

So sis tells mom we would take a taxi to and fro since it's dark and the area is really, really scary. And horrible.

But when her and the friend come to me, they first say they want to take a taxi, and I say 'I want Baskin Robbins!' because I'm an idiot wanting ice cream at night.
And suddenly it was decided we'd walk to her house so as to not waste the taxi money.

Now, believe me when I say I don't know who suggested the walking part. It could have been me, knowing the kind of impulses I have and love for walking, but it could also be either of the younger girls.

One big mistake was, I didn't know - didn't make sure- that my sis didn't notice mom about this.

And make it two; we forgot our cells and the friend's one died.

So we walk and have a fairly good time, and have BR.
And by the time we realize, it's 10pm.

So my sis and I take a taxi back home after dropping her off, and when we return home, you can guess.

My mom is so angry even hell would have been scared.

When she demands an explanation, my sister simply tells her I was the one who said we should walk because I wanted BR.

She then starts screaming how I am so irresponsible as the elder sister, and all the usual 'you disappoint me' thing. I don't say anything but sorry since,well, I knew nothing was going to work, but after some time I couldn't hold it in and tell her I didn't know. And then my sis gets another round of scolding.

This goes hence and forth, and she starts saying how the friend's parents are also irresponsible that they not come to pick her up- as the custom here- and tell her to come back with us and they go to bed (that's what her mom told her apparently, that she would hit the sacks.)

So I start arguing how she is wrong about her parents and that it's my fault and I'm sorry. But she wouldn't accept it, and tells me:

'you're always like this.'

The thing is, my father is never here, both physically and emotionally because as every family has, even we have our little drama, and mom handles everything, even money. And she means the world to me and my sister.

But I always end up saying hurtful things to her and she repeats the same thing over and over again, that I've changed and become something who's not me and such.

What I get is, we are all in the wrong, and mom is 95% right, and my sister is wrong at saying that- but I owe her too much- and I am wrong because I am  unbelievably irresponsible. I could  have said no to walking, I could  have informed mom, I should have taken the cell no matter what. I could have just shut my mouth. But I did none.

And hurt my mom.

Now, although I feel guilty and right this moment want to go back and apologize, we've been through this so many times I can imagine the scene in my head already- she saying I'm always like this, always disobeying her.

Which is true. But, blame everything on teenage issues, I can't do anything.

And just stay, confused, guilty and the way I am.

what must one do when they hurt the most important person?

[Random] Coloured contacts!

So, as a half Japanese girl, I have really small eyes.

Which is God-given.

BUT! in my 18 years of living today, for the first time, I've tried contact lenses!~ *jumps around in joy*

and the happiest thing was my eyes looked big-ish!~

Do you know how exciting and happy it is who is always commented on her too-small eyes?!


This is normal me with almost non-existent eyes

Aaaaaand with the circle lenses:

tadaaa!

My eyes look big and nice^^

I got them from my friend, and the colour is called brown (how unique

 -_-) but it's diamond shaped if you can see properly ^^

and my friend had a grey pair.
And God bless her beauty (*Q*)

Since it was the first time putting in lenses, ofcourse we'd camwhore, no?

So there!

Maybe I should have stolen her contacts? (>w<)

'cause selcas are in vogue^^

And my personal shots: 

why do i see myself pouting?

Don't be deceived though, I've got zillions of pimples, it's just the wonderful filter on androids app that works magic and makes everyone look beautifuru!

And I shall end my vain post with the last selca, and best one of mine so far:

i look like an ullzang wannabe...

not that i hate it ^^

Bye bye! *waves*

[K-Pop] Hwayoung/T-ara controversy

Lately the K-Pop scene has seen nothing except the T-ara/Hwayoung controversy... even allkpop's top 10 seems to be filled with the news.

What news you ask? Well, let me summarize for you:

1) Hwayoung injures her ankle. She can't perform. T-ara's 'day by day' promotions are on and they have to perform at various stages.

Jiyeon, Soyeon, Hyomin, Boram

2) Boram,Eunjung,Hyomin and Jiyeon tweet about 'determination difference' in which they tweet to no one in particular about how there was a determination gap during their Budokan performance.

hands of the twins

3) Hwayoung tweets "the support of my fans is important to me" while Hyoyoung,her twin sister in same agency in different unit tweets "What does it matter if your face is pretty.It's your heart that has to be pretty.Is a person who is unwell,not a person? I'm hurting too. I want to seriously cry..." 

4) Hyomin tweets a fragment of this book, and the netizens find out it's this book,called "there is a reason for everything" while Boram apparently 'unfollows' Hwayoung on twitter.

5) Various proof of Hwayoung being 'bullied' goes viral.
Most famous ones are the rice feeding- Eunjung

Poking Hwayoun in the eye- Hyomin

Destroying her umbrella- Boram

Ignoring her high five- Jiyeon

6) Hwayoung dismissed by CCM- their agency- and the CEO, Kikwang Soo or KKS, denies bullying. 

7) Random peitions build, such as T-Jinyo (we demand truth from T-ara) which gained 160,000+ members and 'T-ara should disband' recieved 710,000 signs while their biggest fansite, Tarafan.com, shuts down due to significant lose of members

8) KKS blames Hwayoung for her dismissal.

Now,there are more in between but I'm not going to get in all that, allkpop.com will give you a better outlook. This particular post is because I'm a QUEEN'S,which means I'm their fan. That doesn't necessarily mean I am biased,hence, for the rumours and all, I'll *coughs like a boss* present both views,negative and positive.

THE BULLYING:

Now, there are loads and loads of 'evidences' of bullying on the net,most are...brace yourself, false. BUT! there are some parts that cannot refute the rumours as completely false.

1) Rice-feeding:

Eunjung feeding Hwayoung

You see Eunjung feeding Hwayoung. Hwayoung makes a >< face.
It was on a Japanese variety program wherein they (Eunjung and Hwayoung were against each other) they fight with Wii. YES,WII -__-

Anyways, Eunjung's team lost. Hwayoung's team won (duh) and the rice cake is a 'prize' for the team and Eunjung,who scored the least, is, as punishment, made to 'feed' a member of the winning team (which consisted of Qri,Hwayoung and Hyomin) saying 'aaah' (It's embarassing,and hence, a punishment for Eunjung).

It's NOT bullying:
Firstly, in the same show,when Jiyeon was caught stealing the 'prizes', Hyomin went and forcefully tried to open her mouth to see if she really ate because Jiyeon was denying it. Then, Eunjung didn't exactly force the whole thing into her mouth, it was left for her to eat....like half in-half out sort of thing. Hwayoung ate the rest herself.
It was Eunjung's punishment,NOT Hwayoung's.

the strong point: IT WAS NOT FORCED.

It IS bullying:
Eunjung randomly chose Hwayoung, and instead of saying 'aah' and feeding the latter like how the game suggested, she more like plunged the cake into her mouth. Many say rice cakes are sticky and Hwayoung could have choked because many did, but apparently Eunjung didn't care. The announcer in the end said 'we conclude the show not knowing who actually got the punishment'.  And Hwayoung didn't seem to enjoy being fed and later she did have difficulty eating the cake.
the stong point: IT COULD HAVE CHOKED HER.

Conclusion: 

the rice cake was not shoved deep enough or long enough for Hwayong to actually choke, but it is also seen that Hwayoung had some difficulty ingesting the cake afterwards.

2) Poking business:

'this is SO bullying'

See, Hyomin REALLY poked Hwayoung accidentally.The elder smiles apologetically, and the maknae is all 'what did you do to me?' and Hyomin again gives a smile. HAPPY END.

It's NOT bullying: You decide.

It IS bullying: 
if this is bullying, I must be bullying my friends EVERYDAY.

Conclusion:

I have no idea why only the poking part is so viral. WHAT HAPPENED TO THE CLIPS AFTER THE POKE!? even if all are wrong, I'd still say THIS ons is pure accident.

3) Destruction of the umbrella:

The one above is a commonly seen picture under "Boram breaks Hwayoung's umbrella!"
Why is this the proof of Boram's destruction?

"She's looking upwards."

If that's a reason, I'd like to break the person's nose who spread this.

Now,you're in for a shock:

it was broken to begin with.

this is before Hwayoung reached Infinite and the two members noticed Hwayoung's broken umbrella.

It's NOT bullying:

the whole clip should be watched to whoever doubtful. In it Qri was standing alone when Boram comes, and then leaves only to bring Hwayoung along with her. This all is is from a fancam of Infinite fan so nothing's clear, BUT. But,Boram was with Hwayoung more than 3 minutes before the latter came on screen. which means, if the little leader wanted to break Hwayoung's umbrella, she could have done it then and there instead of coming forward to break it oh-so-gloriously.Strong point: IT WAS BROKEN ALREADY.

It IS bullying: 

Well, Boram might have not broken the umbrella, but she could have tried to mend it like the Infinite guys. Maybe she did,maybe she didn't.
And largely, it seemed as if Qri and Boram were talking between themselves.Hwayoung just kept looking. Strong point: HWAYOUNG SEEMED LEFT OUT.

Conclusion:
I'd say it wasn't bullying. The reason? I can't imagine anyone getting a person with her and breaking her umbrella.In front of public. Unless Boram is cracked up or on weed, I don't see it happening. AND BORAM IS TOO SHORT TO REACH HWAYOUNG'S UMBRELLA! 

4) Jiyeon ignoring Hwayoung:

Now, for this i really have nothing to say. Jiyeon is the face of the group, what else do I know about her? She's ADORABLE. But that seems really irrelevant here.

It's NOT bullying:
one could say she didn't notice Hwayoung. Or that she was too excited? Actually, there aren't any points for this one. But I wouldn't go as far as to say bullying. strong point: none.

It IS bullying:
It's crystal clear she saw Hwayoung. She couldn't have missed her. Unless she thinkg Eunjung has four hands and only one pair needs to be high-fived, I don't see how she could not give it to Hwayoung. Jiyeon is guilty here I see. strong point: SHE SAW HWAYOUNG'S HANDS.

Conclusion:

 Jiyeon was indeed being mean to her. There's no reason to refute that.

Other less knows 'evidences' : 

1) Boram not acknowledging Hwayoung's presence:

"Happy birthday to our always and forever maknae, JiYeon!"

"Happy birthday to T-ara's 2nd maknae Hyomin!"

This one is a proof apparently because if Hwayoung was added, Hyomin is NOT the second maknae, because Hwayoung should be the 2nd maknae.

Here,there's a problem. and that is? the year. T-ara debuted in 2009,Boram added in July 2009, Hwayoung joined in July 2010 (oh the irony). Which means Boram might have  tweeted this BEFORE Hwayoung joined. If the year is revealed as 2010 or later, then T-ara loses.

2) Hwayoung crying:

Hwayoung don't cry (T^T)

Hwayoung's sister Hyoyoung suddenly remards that there is a lot of unspoken secrets in the entertainment industry. Hwayoung starts to cry.

People believe Hyoyoung said it for a reason.

Goodness knows what to make out of it. It could be bullying, it could be something else. Only she and whoever concerned know.

I'm tired already. Next I'll tell you who I blame.

T-ara and Hwayoung fighting!~

Both parties stay strong~