[Life] A levels and no life.

So this whole year...like, 2013 Sept. to now, has been full of studying for my A level exams because guess what; A levels ACTUALLY is a huge huge jump from O levels.

I did the CIE board, which is different from the Edexcel one that I completed my O levels in, and boy, was that hard.

Let me tell you a story about studies.

So, studying in Sharjah since forever, I was enrolled in an academically competitive school, and- although I'm not boasting- I was always at the upper middle rank to say. Not extremely smart to get As in all classes, but had a fair share of As to Bs...maybe Cs in between. I stopped studying long ago, but still scored comparatively well by just reading and such.
In O levels, I went for maths tutions because I was horrible at maths, but that was the only tough thing I did. I never completed past papers too. Yet I got an average of A in my 10 Edexcel O levels.

It was only natural when I went to another school in Dubai, that I disregarded the head of senior school teachers' words "it is a big leap, your As will fall to Cs. And it'd Edexcel to CIE, you'll have it tough" because I thought it was those things the they tell you to scare the shit out of  you. I decided to change myself from the boring girl to an active, cheery girl that time, and found many wonderful friends. And the studying went out of the window. We had two mocks in a school year, and all of our friends of 7 or so , save two, used to get Es and Us which for us was a laughing matter.

Except when the actual AS exams came rolling, it stopped being a joke.
Especially during my Chemistry paper 2, which is of structured kind, my mind went blank and kept thinking of the Us I got in mocks.

In my AS year, I got ccdd in English, Maths, Physics and Chemistry respectively.

When I had my results staring at me from the mobile phone, I was in shock. I was sure I would not do worse than one C, based on the years when I felt my exams were horrible but came back with As. I was disappointed beyond anything, and my friends did worse than me. They got Us and Es like in the mocks, and that was when I realized I had no rights to bemoan my own shortcomings.

And I retook all the four AS subjects along with A2 Maths, English and Physics, dropping my eternal enemy Chemistry.

During my A2, I can't remember a single moment when I didn't have exams and results on my mind. All the friends had gone, joining universities (in U.A.E getting admission in unis are a petty matter; they take you with whatever you get), while it was only my friend and I from our group who stayed to complete high school, so I had only one friend who was as desperate to pull up a grade and supported me.

Despite all the studying, during mock exams I was constantly brought back to reality that I am not as smart as I made out myself to be, pathetic I know. I still couldn't get better at my AS ones, let alone surpass Cs and Ds in them.

The first day of exams, I had three subjects, English, Physics and Maths. That was how packed my timetable was.

Cutting more depression with studying and shunning animes and friends for a year, I got ACC, in English, Physics and Maths, and a b in Chemistry. I don't know if I slacked off and couldn't improve much, but I am fine with the results. Not as good maybe, but still better than what I would have gotten had I not studied like a madman and continued with the way I was.

But again, by doing so I sacrificed the last year I could have been with my friends before coming back to Japan. I can't tell if my grades were good enough to compromise with the time I could have spent with them. I don't know, but I worked hard and studied so I don't have any regrets either.

A true story of an average girl who almost flunked her exams, yours truly.

[Random] Teenage issues....

Now, before I hit 20s and forget all these teenager issues and shit we deal with everyday in life, lemme rant here x.x

So, what's with parents and screaming even though the whole matter is over with?

Like, I make a mistake, I get it I'm wrong, I apologize and would try to not do it again.
But, according to moms we never change.We would still repeat them, and so to make us not forget, they keep scolding until you walk away.

Take, for example, the month or two you when you feel rebellious for no reason.

During those times you just feel like saying 'no' to everything, and you feel as if you own your own life and your parents have nothing to do with it.
And you start 'talking back' to parents and doing things exactly the way your parents told you not to.

I had a half year of it, the rebellious-ness.
But I believe I'm over it and normal again.

Not for mom,cause it's enough for mom to go on how much '(I)'ve changed.'

Today was another one of those days.
My sister's friend comes over to complete some project, and we have quite fun time because I'm more or less close to her as well.

And at night, at around 8.30pm, she tells my sister we need to drop her off at her place. Her house is far, not far like in another city, but far enough you'd take atleast half an hour to reach.

So sis tells mom we would take a taxi to and fro since it's dark and the area is really, really scary. And horrible.

But when her and the friend come to me, they first say they want to take a taxi, and I say 'I want Baskin Robbins!' because I'm an idiot wanting ice cream at night.
And suddenly it was decided we'd walk to her house so as to not waste the taxi money.

Now, believe me when I say I don't know who suggested the walking part. It could have been me, knowing the kind of impulses I have and love for walking, but it could also be either of the younger girls.

One big mistake was, I didn't know - didn't make sure- that my sis didn't notice mom about this.

And make it two; we forgot our cells and the friend's one died.

So we walk and have a fairly good time, and have BR.
And by the time we realize, it's 10pm.

So my sis and I take a taxi back home after dropping her off, and when we return home, you can guess.

My mom is so angry even hell would have been scared.

When she demands an explanation, my sister simply tells her I was the one who said we should walk because I wanted BR.

She then starts screaming how I am so irresponsible as the elder sister, and all the usual 'you disappoint me' thing. I don't say anything but sorry since,well, I knew nothing was going to work, but after some time I couldn't hold it in and tell her I didn't know. And then my sis gets another round of scolding.

This goes hence and forth, and she starts saying how the friend's parents are also irresponsible that they not come to pick her up- as the custom here- and tell her to come back with us and they go to bed (that's what her mom told her apparently, that she would hit the sacks.)

So I start arguing how she is wrong about her parents and that it's my fault and I'm sorry. But she wouldn't accept it, and tells me:

'you're always like this.'

The thing is, my father is never here, both physically and emotionally because as every family has, even we have our little drama, and mom handles everything, even money. And she means the world to me and my sister.

But I always end up saying hurtful things to her and she repeats the same thing over and over again, that I've changed and become something who's not me and such.

What I get is, we are all in the wrong, and mom is 95% right, and my sister is wrong at saying that- but I owe her too much- and I am wrong because I am  unbelievably irresponsible. I could  have said no to walking, I could  have informed mom, I should have taken the cell no matter what. I could have just shut my mouth. But I did none.

And hurt my mom.

Now, although I feel guilty and right this moment want to go back and apologize, we've been through this so many times I can imagine the scene in my head already- she saying I'm always like this, always disobeying her.

Which is true. But, blame everything on teenage issues, I can't do anything.

And just stay, confused, guilty and the way I am.

what must one do when they hurt the most important person?

[Random/Anime] Oh God Why?

OH MY GAAAWD, the new season animes have started already and I still didn't finish the 6th eps of the summer ones. Fish you high school and studies, not letting me watch my love and life (T^T)

I've got so much watching to do methinks I'll go without sleeping next weekend *sobs*

when you're assaulted by feels...

To finish:

1. Arcana Famiglia
2. Natsuyuki Rendevouz
3. Sket Dance
4. Hakuouki Reimei roku
5. Koi to Senkyo to Chocolate
6. Kokoro Connect
7.  Sankarea
8. Kyou no Asuka Show
9. Hiiro No Kakera

To watch:

1. Zetsuen no Tempest
2. Code Breaker
3. Btoom!
4. Girls And Panzer
5. Hiiro No Kakera Dai Ni Shou
6. Kamisama Hajimemashita
7. Kono Naka ni Hitori, Imouto ga Iru!
8. Magi
9. Sakurasou No Petto na Kanojo
10. Shinsekai Yori
11. Sukitte Ii na Yo
12. Tonari no Kaibutsu Kun
13. K

Now, as you can see, the list is looong. And hence I can kiss my sleep and life goodbye.
HOW CAN I NARROW DOWN!? All of them look so promising I can't even-

(T^T)

Let me again curse studies for separating me and my love.

[Random] Become.... skinny?

Alrighty, I've decided I need to lose weight...a LOT.

Currently, at 68kgs with a height of 157cm, my future doesn't seem much bright

well....'cause I'm overweight? ><

Not a very nice body to look at,eh? 

See that stomach? That's mine. And compare my arms to my friend behind me.

I had to scratch out her face (T^T) but privacy above all I believe.

Back to topic, I need to lose weight, atleast 20 kgs?

68-20= 48kgs.
Oh, that sounds amazing (^w^)

Now, from researching so many days and months and what not, I came to know quite a few things:

1. Water. Water. AND WATER.

Every frikkin' website I visit tells me the same thing; drink tons of water.
I must go look for a water fairy now...

2. Stop eating at 7pm, or 8pm.

Hmm....I wonder I can stick to THAT now (>.<)

I WANT THAT BODEH!

Found inspirations from Hyun-ah of 4minute.

You know why?

Because, my dears, she used to be over weight as well, but, with her hardwork, she attained the body that many are envious of

*cheers Hyun-ah*

One day, I'll get that body. ONE DAY.

And when I do, I'll thank Hyun-ah from my heart <3